It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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