You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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