You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
