did you get engaged???
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize