look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
