just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
