on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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