"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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