Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
