I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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