I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
