she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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