He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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