Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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