I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
