your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
