Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
