break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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