You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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