There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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