I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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