omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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