I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
