We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
