Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
