Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
