I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
