K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
