Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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