I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
