dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
