I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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