Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
