i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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