Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
