Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
