Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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