Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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