Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
