Cold hands, warm shart.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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