So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
