I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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