You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize