they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
