On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
