Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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