So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
