Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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