remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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