He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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