that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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