Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
