Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
