Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
