I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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