I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
