Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
