I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
