I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
