I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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