I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
