i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
