plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize