Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
