$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
