Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
