We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
