I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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