I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Screwed.edu
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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