just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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