i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
