I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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