the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
