I want to have your abortion
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
