That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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