Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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