My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
