No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize