Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
