That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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